This Lipstick Is So Long Lasting It Can Be Used to Carbon Date Your Remains

Move over Revlon, a new long-lasting lipstick that claims to outlast humankind has just hit the market: 4EVAYOU lipstick is the first and revolutionary brand of lip color that not only contains emollients and humectants to seal in long-lasting moisture but also contains uranium particles that can be used to pinpoint exactly what part of the Holocene epoch you lived and died in.


“So many lipglosses, sticks, and stains promise long-lasting wear, but by one hour into drinks you’re going to the bathroom to reapply,” says CEO and creator Rachel Tang.


“That’s why I wanted to create bright and beautiful shades that will make people feel confident, and that future alien societies can use to help piece together the human timeline.”.


“We use only the finest shea butter,” says Tang. “And organically sourced uranium.”


When asked if any users had reported issues, Tang laughs.


“Literally never. Look, millennia from now, an alien will unearth your remains and think ‘my God, is that fire engine red?’”


Despite launching in 2015, sales didn’t take off until 2020.


“Something about last year really made people want to invest in colorful, fun experiences,” says Tang.  “But it also made them confront their mortality and the inevitability of non-existence.”



Influencers and physicists alike are rushing to get their hands on it. With over 37 colors, each promising over 1000 years of long-lasting, creamy vibrant lip color, it’s easy to see why.


“One day we hope our product will be a vital part of carbon dating your remains,” says Tang. “But we also think it makes it makes a great gift!”