Things Only Your Best Friend Knows About Your Plan to Rob That Bank


Having a best friend is one of the greatest joys of life. She knows your habits, your likes and dislikes — even which kind of candy to get you when you’re feeling down. Most of all, your best friend knows all about your plan to rob that bank next week — and that’s why you love her. Here’s what only your closest friend could know about your meticulously planned bank robbery:


The bank’s standard operating hours. Only your bestie would know by heart the operating hours of the bank you are planning to rob. She might get tripped up by the special holiday hours, but you let it slide — it’s just so her.


Where the bank is located. Hey — there’s a reason you wove the address of the bank you’re planning to rob into the friendship bracelet you made for her. She’s the the only one who truly understands your motives. She’ll always have your back, which is why you let her in on this crucial piece of information.


Which of the bank tellers has a urinary tract infection. It’s important to catch the bank when it’s at its most defenseless — and that means when the eagle-eyed young shift manager is home sick. Your number-one girl is willing to do the investigative work to make extra-sure. Otherwise, that pinky-swear would mean nothing,


Which guns are loaded. Your best friend is always nagging you about gun safety. She knows which of your guns are loaded and which are ploys in case the police ask you to hand over your weapons. Plus, she’s the only person you’re never embarrassed to change in front of — because she has a handgun taped to her cleavage, too.


Your escape plan. Sometimes, you just need to get away from it all with your best friend, no boys allowed. Your BFF is the queen of making travel arrangements — and then making other travel arrangements to throw the police of your trail. That’s why she’s your better half!



How far you’re willing to go. It’s not all just superficial stuff — your best friend knows everything about you, including how far you’re willing to go to become rich beyond your wildest dreams. Would you kill civilians? Policemen? Her? Just kidding — you would never do that to your bestie! You guys are practically sisters! But she would totally understand if you had to.


If this made you miss your own best friend, you are not alone. And, if you’re lucky enough to be reading this with her, then you may want to break your Internet connection so they can’t track you that way.