The Dangers of Eating Too Much Fruit, Or Anything That Makes Sharon Look Better Than Me

We’ve all heard the diet advice to eat more fruits and vegetables, but did you know that in certain quantities, fruit is BAD for you?! You might actually be causing your own self-destruction with natural sugars and not even know it! Here are a few reasons why you should err on the side of caution when it comes to eating too much fruit, or anything that makes you the talk of the office. I’m looking at you, Sharon.


Fruit has unseen agrichemical residues.

Commercially available fruits are much less nutritious than organic ones because of the chemicals used to keep them fresh. These pesticides seriously endanger your health when consumed in large quantities, just like how everyone asking for Sharon’s vegan cobbler recipe is seriously endangering my workflow.


Fruit is a a source of concentrated sugar.

While fruit may be relatively low in calories, the sugars can really add up if you’re always sipping on tons of juice or smoothies like Sharon is. Those bevvies can really add inches to your waistline, just like the stress-eating I’m forced to resort to when I hear Sharon reminisce about the charity walk she did and saying things like, “Everyone at the office is referring to me as an ‘inspiration.’”


Fruit often ranks high on the glycemic index scale.

The GI scale is a measure of how fast carbohydrate foods are converted to blood glucose, which can cause blood sugar levels to spike and fall at dangerous rates. Sort of like how my blood pressure spiked after Sharon got over a hundred likes on her stupid #tbt from her yoga fitcation.


Eating fruit can increase cardiovascular risk.

Eating too much fruit can raise your serum triglycerides, which can provoke heart problems as well as a resistance to insulin. Heart problems can also be caused by Sharon and her love of wearing a new outfit that everyone “just loves” almost every fucking week.


So there you have it—all the hazards associated with consuming too much of a natural, vitamin-filled treat. From risky pesticides to disruption in the workplace, it’s best to stay away from fruit and Sharon, if you can.