The Best Online Therapy Apps Your Family Will Tell You Are for White Folks

With new online counseling and therapy apps being released every day, taking charge of your own mental health has never been easier – for your black parents to dismiss as a thing for white people. Your black mom and dad agree that being able to reflect on past trauma from the comfort of home is very nice, but only for your white friend, Heather. With thousands of trained professionals at your fingertips, it’s easy to get overwhelmed, especially when your parents chuckle about the frivolity of mental healthcare. So, here are five well-reviewed therapy apps your parents will tell you are for white folks:


Better Help

This therapy app eliminates the negative stigma associated with physically entering a therapist’s office but it will not eliminate your black parent’s belief that paying a stranger to know your secrets is a white pastime. Better Help completely protects user anonymity thru nicknames, which is a crucial feature for somebody else’s child.



The therapists on the Breakthrough app are backed by hundreds of positive reviews, hours of academic training, and years of professional experience your black family will ignore because “No one in the entire history of this family has ever needed a shrink before. Not even the slaves,” says Black Dad.



7 Cups of Tea

The 7 Cups of Tea app allows you to speak openly with peer volunteers about your problems completely free of charge, which isn’t even professional therapy, but is still somehow embarrassing for the entire black community. “You don’t need to download some app to talk to your friends about what really matters: The Bears, which boots are good for yard work, and the hit series, “Power” only on Starz,” confides Black Dad.



Regain is for couples trying to build stronger happier relationships and for “filthy pervert freaks trying to hear your bedroom business!” claim Black Parents in unison, the closest they’ve been in years. “If you want to talk to someone about your problems, speak to the one true counselor, our Father who art in Heaven,” suggests Black Mom.



With Talkspace, there’s no more waiting weeks between appointments! Your therapist is available to chat 5 days a week about all of the emotions you have to pretend don’t exist. “You see sweetie, sadness is something our people hold tightly inside and carry quietly everywhere we go allowing it to slowly whittle away at our spirit and joy,” explains Black Mom. And it’s also apparently something white people can text about at no additional cost.


If you’re white and interested in improving your mental health on the go or even from the comfort of your own bed, give any of these apps a try! If you’re black, or a second-generation immigrant, or any minority really, these are the very best online therapy apps for your finger to hover over a few times a week for the next three years!