Men like a woman who is kind but independent—someone who can smile and take care of herself when she’s trapped under a collapsed bookshelf. But sometimes a girl just needs a little help in the “stuck under a large piece of furniture” department. Instead of resigning yourself to dying beneath four years of Dwell back issues, here are some ways to hint for a little help without seeming naggy.
A Hand-Written Note
Your man will appreciate you slowing down and taking the time to pen a pretty, cursive card to tell him that the bookcase wasn’t bracketed to the wall after all. Remember your penmanship skills from middle school to write a lovely, formal, desperate note to your sweetie. Hopefully you’re pinned near your favorite Crane stationary and a nice fountain pen so you can scrawl this out before the blood supply to your leg is cut off for too long.
A Brief, Thoughtful Voicemail
While a hand-written card is idea, that lung isn’t getting any less collapsed. Leave a quick, to-the-point message to tell him that you’re excited to see him…and not just because you have over a hundred Norton critical editions on top of you. Use your sexiest baby voice, if you can manage through the searing pain.
Cute Emoji Text
If your man hates voicemails (who doesn’t?), why not say you’re crushed under a bookcase with the help of some adorable emoticons? We suggest using the frightened cat, the tidal wave, the green book, or the bumblebee for an extra kawaii touch. With any luck, soon he’ll be asking himself, “Why has Allison been in her office for over nine hours?”
Whimsical Paper Airplane
Take a page from your favorite book—literally! Carefully tear a sheet from The Bell Jar and do your best to fold an efficient yet twee projectile. Try to bank it off of the hallway wall to let it zip in front of the TV in your family room. When he sees that tiny airplane whizz past the Lakers game, he might think it’s from you! He’d better—that toss expended the last of your energy and your vision’s getting dim.
Sing a Song
Any time a Disney heroine is in peril, she lets the handsome prince know with a song. Try belting out a harmonious tune to get your man running to your aid. The secret is in the hook, so try to focus on that while penning your lyrics and tune. We suggest using words like “Halp!” and “Save me!” to make it nice and old-timey. In no time he’ll be heaving that Ikea number off of your crushed pelvis while you lie back and swoon. Literally swoon. As in, you fainted. Aww!
Personalized Mini-Cupcakes That Say “Call 911”
This one takes a little pre-planning, but we think you’ll agree that it’s worth the effort. Before you embark on a solo furniture-rearranging binge, bake a scrumptious batch of miniature devil’s food cupcakes with delectable cream cheese frosting. Craft some tiny fondant badges with various messages hinting at your calamity, and for good measure, top with some precious book-shaped chocolates. It might be the fourth cupcake before he puts two-and-two together, but a well-fed man is a happy (and strong!) man.
We hope that you’ll soon be out from under that pesky bookshelf and back just watching TV like a regular person. Remember to thank your guy with a nice, home-cooked dinner, plus a promise that you’ll leave the man chores to your dad the next time he visits. Good luck!