Sure! This Woman’s Self-Care Routine Includes Stalking Her Ex’s Venmo History

In a developing story out of Madison, WI, Stephanie Baskett is unwinding from a long day with a relaxing self-care routine, one that wouldn’t be complete without checking her ex’s Venmo history.


“I really value taking care of my mental health,” said the 28-year-old. “So after a stressful day, I like to just light some candles, make a cozy cup of tea, take a nice bath, and see what Paul’s been up to since breaking up with me.”


Most people just watch Netflix, but you do you!


Stephanie showed reporters Paul’s most recent Venmo transactions, which include payments to his roommates for utilities and a charge to a male friend for Thai food.


“Even without him in my life, I can know what he’s up to and who he’s hanging out with – it’s truly so soothing that I can keep tabs on him like this. Knowing he hasn’t moved on gives me such peace of mind, which feels healthy as well as sustainable.”



Sources claim that Venmo is not the only app Stephanie uses to check in on what her ex is doing.


“During a night-in, instead of doing face masks, Steph opted for drunk-scrolling through Paul’s Spotify playlists and his Insta – not just what he posted, but what he’s tagged in,” says Stephanie’s roommate Eva. “It’s borderline concerning, but I guess that’s just how she relaxes?”


Stephanie maintains that Venmo is the most efficient way to check-in on someone who’s not in your life anymore.


 “Spotify playlists are too vague and sometimes people don’t post on Instagram for months. How else will I know if he’s met up with that bitch Gina from work?”


Stephanie’s shoulders immediately tensed when mentioning Gina from work, but a quick swipe of Paul’s Venmo relaxed them again.


“Checking Paul’s Venmo on a regular basis has relieved so much stress in my life. I can’t believe I ever followed any of those trendy ‘self-care’ tips – I’d love to see a jade roller tell me Paul went to visit his brothers in Iowa last week!”


At press time, Stephanie has bought a yoga mat to more comfortably stalk Paul’s Venmo at the gym.