I know we just met 25 minutes ago at this bar, but before this conversation goes any further, there’s something I need to say. Please, please do not ask disabled people if we can have sex. Ask us how to pronounce sex, because you’re pronouncing it “sax” right now and it’s really uncomfortable.
This happens to us disabled folk all the time, and it sucks.
When you first asked me while we were in the bathroom line, I wondered if it was a slip of the tongue. We all flub up words sometimes. You feel like a real bonehead, and it’s no treat to be called out on a simple error. But then you said it again and again, while pronouncing every other world perfectly fine.
My disabled compatriots will recognize this situation all too well.
Are you asking me if I can play the saxophone or if I have a saxaphone? This bar was blasting “Mr. Jones” at full volume and I know for a FACT there’s no sax (alto, soprano or otherwise) in that song. I know literally everything about the Counting Crows, so there’s no way that inspired a genuine curiosity about whether or not I own or play the saxophone. Just to be clear, I do own a saxophone. I don’t play it. I just gaze at it. So I told you I have a sax and then you looked at me like I was some kind of bozo.
Did you mean “sacks”? I know, that sounds so goddamn stupid it’s hard to believe it even crossed my mind. But it did and I thought it over. I could definitely own a few sacks, but I’m pretty sure I don’t. I own many containers: boxes, bags, bowls and bells. But no sacks.
It just feels like abled people are always asking the wrong questions. When really, the right question is, “How do I pronounce the word spelled S-E-X?”
That’s when you said, “I mean because of the wheelchair”, referring to the wheelchair I use. There are variations on this for different conditions and disabilities, but it all means the same thing. I want to say this to you and every able-bodied person out there who has ever wondered the same thing, and who has considered asking anyone with a disability this question without having a deeper, more meaningful relationship with them. You’re pronouncing sex in a strange way that we’re absolutely unable to wrap our heads around. Stop asking us if we can have sax. I’ve been through this scenario dozens, if not hundreds of thousands of times, and the answer is always going to be the same. It’s pronounced sex. I swear if I hear this question one more time I’m going to break every porcelain vase in this bar.
I hope this was meaningful for you. Now, let’s go to my place and gaze at my sax.
