Statement Lips Not Intended to Make Actual Statements

Sometimes you need a look that’s bold, but not bold enough to make a statement. Statements with lots of words will severely shorten the life of your lip look, here are the most perfect statement lips that don’t say anything at all:


Reticent Red

The most iconic of statement lips, red is traditional in every sense. Wear it to a big meeting (where you’ll take the notes) or to support your husband when he’s voting. If you do find yourself feeling like you need to say something out of that pesky talk-hole, make sure it’s just to announce what’s for dinner, or anything in a tiny baby voice. Don’t forget to reapply.


Pious Pink

This is a look that says, “think of my mouth as a silent, painted vagina.” The allure of a vibrant, pink mouth will make everyone wonder what exquisite fashion you’ll wear tomorrow, but not what you’re going to say next. A virginal blush will be perfect for when you’re quietly shining on the arm of your successful husband, or demurely ignoring the man rubbing up against you on the subway.


Un-Perspicacious Plum

This deep, jammy hue will help shellac that saucy mouth of yours shut. Think Lorde, but without any of the singing or talking. You’ll be feeling like one of the “Royals” in no time!



Blank Black

We know what you’re thinking—isn’t that just for goth mall rats? Well, yes, mystique is part of their charm! Pretend you’re the manager of Hot Topic—you don’t accept returns on opened Manic Panic, and you don’t talk to anyone other than your Jack Skellington poster.


Stoic Scarlet

This color conveys a sense of sad calm, like as a spectator during a hearing on women’s health. When your mouth forms a perfect “o” of surprise, you’ll leave everyone not-really-wondering if you have an opinion or are ready to give an excellent blowjob.


Benign Beige

You might think that this nude will cause you to blend into the background, but maybe that’s what you want! A bland pout will draw attention away from your hungry eyes as you claw for that brass ring. Nobody likes an overachiever, so work that nude like Mona Lisa and keep your look unassuming. Then if you say something they’ll think, “She couldn’t have said anything. Must’ve been someone else.”


If you find yourself rocking these statement lips and still trying to say something, remember that no one likes a chatty Cathy. Try a glue-like lip sealant, or a serum to make your lips (and the inside of your mouth and throat) swell. And remember: no eating, either. Good luck!