REPORT: You Can Change Him

 According to the results of a recent study out of the University of Pennsylvania, it has been reported that in spite of all the evidence otherwise, yeah, you can definitely change him.


“We were unsure if our results could be replicated,” said Dr. Wanda Olsen-Dulle, a chief researcher involved in the study. “But we have determined that while it will certainly take a ton of time and intense emotional labor and heartache, you absolutely can change him and it’s for sure worth it to try.”



Jennifer Dudley, another scientist who worked on the project, went on to explain their shocking conclusions.


“All other studies of this nature, including the myriad anecdotal instances of women trying to fix men, have proven inconclusive,” said Ms. Dudley. “But, despite the naysayers, our hard work has proved that he absolutely deserves a chance. You’ll have to try really hard, but you can make him a better man.”


“Those positive changes may not manifest until after he has a new girlfriend,” Dr. Dudley added. “But that is tangential and outside of the scope of our study.”


While you may be wondering if this is all for nothing or if he’s even worth it, several women have sort of proved that if you devote your entire self to this project, that he will definitely be marriage material at some point.


“I’ve been trying to get my boyfriend to stop spending so much time playing video games and start contributing to our household income for two years,” said Rebecca Tulle, one participant in the study. “I was starting to feel like it was all in vain. This really motivates me to keep going!”



“Yeah, I’ve been very direct in telling my fiance that he needs to shower at least every other day, to no avail,” said June Diaz. “So it’s reassuring to know that all people – even Dan – are capable of change. I’ll keep trying!”


This report also gives hope to many that your partner may even someday be able to wash his ass without directly having to ask him, so yes, keep at it, girlfriend.