In a groundbreaking report, Switzerland’s Institute of Canine Science has announced that it is time to annoy the dog.
This report comes as a surprise to many, most of all to the dog himself.
“Our researchers can definitively say the dog has had enough time to rest,” said Dr. Hans Mielke, who spearheaded the team. “Now he’s sitting in the corner all cute, and it’s officially time to bug the shit out of him.”
Sources confirm that the dog was ready to play a few hours ago, but that was different because you were doing things and the dog should have understood that. Now that the dog is drifting off to sleep and appears to not want to be bothered, it is time for the ritual to begin.
As far as technique goes, the team recommends “getting all up in his personal space, maybe laying around on his tummy, and poking his paws while singing ‘Wittle tired? Who’s a wittle tired?’”
The report confirms that the dog will not like this one bit.
“The dog will likely express disapproval in the form of a deep sigh or a few grunts, as if saying, ‘Really? Now?’” continued Mielke. “That’s how you know you’re doing it correctly.”
The report does maintain, however, that it is important the dog is only mildly peeved, not angry, so you don’t have to feel bad.
“It’s only fun if the dog gives you that look that’s like, ‘Hmph,’” said PhD candidate Marsha Rosen, scrunching her nose and squinting. “You know the one. Oh, it’s so good.”
Dog owners around the world have rejoiced at the release of this report, as they were afraid it would not be time to annoy the dog for several more hours, which would be such a bummer.
Mielke remains excited about what this report means for the future.
“Now that we’ve determined it is time to annoy the dog, this opens a slew of other possibilities. Perhaps it will soon be time to annoy the cat!”
A scratch-covered Mielke later retracted this statement, pleading with people not to annoy the cat because “actually that was a bad plan.”
At press time, annoying the dog had gone swimmingly, and he had walked away from you like a disappointed parent, which is classic him.
