REPORT: Children of Celebrities Work Twice as Hard, But Not as Hard as Runaway Dog on Ragtag Basketball Team

Scholars at USC’s Annenberg School of Communications went hard to work after Gwyneth Paltrow’s recent statement that children of celebrities work “twice as hard” in the entertainment industry. In a breaking report from the university, it was revealed that while children of celebrities do indeed work hard, they do not work nearly as hard as runaway dog Air Bud on the ragtag basketball team from the movie Air Bud.


“Many think that celebrity children, scientifically coined ‘nepo babies,’ have it easy because they are born with both feet in the door,” said lead researcher Dr. Kinsey Pomme, “Which is true, but it still takes immense amounts of time and money to gain a role in a movie or become an indie musician. And it’s easy to compare them to children of laypeople, who have neither the foot in the door nor the immense amounts of time and money.”


“But no one stopped to think about an orphaned dog who ran away from an abusive home and the work he had to put in to become a star basketball player and bring a failing team all the way to the championships. No one until us, that is.”



“Not only did Air Bud have no connections in the basketball industry, he couldn’t even speak the language,” marveled canine expert and research consultant Dr. Gareth Wheeler. “And he had to overcome being quadripedal and not having opposable thumbs in a game that heavily favors bipedals with hands. It’s truly miraculous he achieved what he achieved with the cards he was dealt with in life.”


While Air Bud has largely retired from the public sphere and was unavailable for comment, his reps said he appreciates that the public is finally acknowledging the countless hours of hard work he put into his career’s trailblazing success and into paving the way for the Air Buddies and all other animal athletes.


“After our findings, Paltrow’s statement almost seems obtuse and out-of-touch with the real world of canine athletics,” said Dr. Pomme. “Air Bud went on to become a celebrated athlete in not one, but five different sports, yet no one seems to be commenting on the dedication and work ethic of that dog, who achieved it all despite being kidnapped each time.”


Dr. Kinsey Pomme hopes that the report’s findings will invite further discourse on those who truly work the hardest in their industries, namely dogs, with the research team continuing their studies with other the canine titans of the industry.


“Next up, we’re focusing on Jack Russell actor Uggie, most widely known for his breakout role in The Artist. It’s ridiculous how many awards that movie won without any formal recognition for his work, which has been continuously discounted because he’s ‘a dog’ and ‘worked for sausages’. If Gwenyth Paltrow really wants to talk about who has to work twice as hard to prove themselves in the cutthroat entertainment industry, she needn’t look any further than him!”