Remember the Election? This Woman Doesn’t

28-year-old Marjorie Hatfield spent a majority of her time in quarantine watching reality TV and staring out her window, so when her friends brought up how crazy the 2020 election was, she simply couldn’t recall.


“There was an election?” Marjorie asked. “Oh. But, Obama’s still president, right?”


When her friends alerted her that Obama’s last term was before the 2016 Election, Marjorie responded, “Oh right, right, right. So, did Hillary win?”


Scientists report that what Marjorie, along with many others, is experiencing is something called ‘brain melt’, or when chronic stress and boredom wear on a person’s psyche for months at a time.



When Marjorie was introduced to this concept, she replied, “Like in cartoons?” the meaning of which is unclear.


“I do recall seeing a bunch of people lined up on the street for a whole week,” said Marjorie. “I remember it being some sort of cool bakery chain that opened up all over the city, but now I’m hearing that it was actually for ‘voting’?”


We assumed that Marjorie didn’t vote in the 2020 election, but that’s when she corrected us.


“Oh, you mean that super boring color-by-number? I did that. It was so confusing though, and it came out super ugly.”


But what about when Biden won and entire cities took to the streets to celebrate? Well, Marjorie had a very different take on that.


“I thought everyone was just having a good time! I didn’t realize it was because we re-elected Obama.”


After reminding her again that Obama isn’t president anymore, we reached out to Marjorie’s friends for comment.


“Marjorie truly doesn’t know what’s going on half the time,” said her closest friend, Rashida. “I’m pretty sure she thinks we’re all contestants on Love Island.”


“Not being funny, but I’m a little chived at what Rashida had to say. That was proper muggy,” Marjorie responded in an extreme Cockney accent that came out of nowhere.


Maybe now that lockdown is over, Marjorie will be able to function normally and vote lucidly in the next election. Maybe she’ll try to watch other shows too!


“’Tiger Things’,” said Marjorie. “Stranger. Stranger Tigers.”


Good luck!