Recent College Grad Has Sinking Feeling Everything Costs Money

Libby Sorensen, a recent Boulder University grad, woke up on Tuesday with the sinking feeling that everything in life costs money, and that most of the time it’s lots of money.


Her suspicions began at a celebratory graduation dinner when her parents, Suzanne and Jim Sorensen, hinted at her new responsibilities as an adult with phrases like, “Now you’re officially off the payroll!” and “Finally, I can cut you off!”


“That’s when I had this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that stuff costs money,” reveals Libby, who sources confirm has received total financial supported for the last 22 years.


The nagging thought that most of life is figuring out how to pay for stuff returned when Libby moved out of her parent’s home and into her first apartment.


“I figured that going out to eat or shopping would cost money, but I was not prepared for dumb stuff like laundry detergent or health insurance to be so expensive,” Libby says, her eyes getting misty.


“Today I set up a recurring payment for my water bill. You know, the stuff you get for free at restaurants?” Libby said, shaking her head in disbelief. “I just can’t.”



Panic set in when Libby strolled into Staples, only to discover that printer ink costs upwards of 80 dollars.


“This is a nightmare,” Libby whispered, staring off into a wall of colored binders.


After a grueling month of paying for groceries, gasoline, and most upsetting of all, the internet, Libby spent the weekend at her parent’s home where she was relieved to discover that many things there remain free.


“Still, I can’t shake the feeling that more and more things are going to start costing money, until eventually everything does,” Libby shuddered as she stuffed several unopened bottles of contact fluid into her purse.