Sometimes people do things that are okay. Sometimes people do things that are absolutely shocking. Yes, I’m talking to you, Jason! Take this quiz so I can figure out why you think what you did was okay. You know what I’m talking about. I can see through your bullshit and so can this quiz!
1. Who was that girl from the other day?
a) Who? I got lunch with my sister, is that what you’re talking about?
b) It was Nicole, my coworker. You’ve met her like five times…
c) Just a friend, seriously, just a friend!
2. You smelled different last night, why did you smell different?
a) Why are you keeping track of my smell?
b) It’s the new cologne you got me for my birthday! Jesus.
c) I didn’t want to to tell you but it’s this anti-fungal soap my doctor prescribed. It’s amber scented.
3. You’ve been working late every day. EXPLAIN YOURSELF.
a) Sometimes I work late! Sometimes I don’t!
b) You know I’ve been working overtime for the down payment on our new place.
c) It’s just busy season at the library.
4. I saw you on my friend’s Tinder!!
a) This isn’t a question.
b) That’s not true, why are you looking at Tinder anyway, should I be worried?
c) I thought I deleted that! I’ll do it right now.
5. Your body is getting better…why have you been working out?
a) Thank you?
b) Remember that my mom bought me a gym membership for my birthday? You were there when she told me!
c) It’s never too early for heart health!
6. You spend so much time on the computer, what are you possibly looking at?
a) Look, I need some space. My Dad’s a cop and I will call him if you don’t stop.
b) Well if you desperately need to know, I’ve been planning us an anniversary vacation to Paris, but you’ve ruined that surprise now.
c) Just…stuff, you know. We all have a right to privacy!
If you picked mostly a’s:
Jason… I know I scared you off. Sorry for being so hostile. Why don’t you give me another chance? Then you can re-take this quiz in a few months and it will be way more relevant. Call me!
If you picked mostly b’s:
Jason, you’re a great boyfriend. Thank you for loving me the way you do, and taking this quiz to demonstrate that. I can’t wait for our trip to France and to move into the apartment and to eventually destroy our relationship with my paranoia.
If you picked mostly c’s:
Jason, you’re a cheating bastard. I knew it, and this quiz proves it, I think! Get your stuff out of my apartment!