As the pandemic enters its third year and fourth wave, COVID variants are becoming more and more transmissible. We need to be on high alert, but how can you tell if your symptoms point to COVID or something benign, like casual alcohol abuse? Take this quiz to find out if you’ve discovered a new COVID variant or have just been drinking copious amounts of wine for four nights in one week.
What are your symptoms?
- Cough, sore throat, sniffles, fatigue, loss of taste and smell, the gamut. But there’s also this new thing where my eyes vibrate. Weird.
- My head is pounding and somehow this tattoo just showed up on my body? Like I really don’t remember getting this tattoo.
Does anything alleviate these symptoms?
- Tylenol! And I feel better in the morning after I sleep a lot.
- Hmmm, oddly enough, more wine! These variants are getting trickier and trickier…
Have you had COVID before?
- Nope! This would be my first time.
- Yes! Three weeks ago. Remarkable that it’s come back this quickly, but such is the work of the Devil, I suppose.
What have you been doing for the past two weeks?
- I’ve been out and about around town, meeting plenty of people in clubs and bars all over the city. Oh, I also went to a concert.
- I’ve basically been inside, sippin’ this juiiiiiiice. Sippin’ mommy’s juicy juice.
Do any of your close contacts have COVID?
- Yeah, now that you mention it, all of them. Huh.
- Nope, but everyone who came to wine night has the same symptoms somehow? Should we call the CDC?
Mostly 1’s: Looks like you’ve discovered a new COVID variant! Congrats! I mean, “we’re sorry.” Rest up, stay away from everyone, and you’ll be back in no time.
Mostly 2’s: This sounds like classic case of “four nights of wine.” We appreciate that you’re being extra cautious, but you’re probably just hung over and definitely got that tattoo on night three. Mermaid, huh? Great choice. No, that’s very generous but no wine for us, thanks!