Hey, I know you’re busy, but Sharon’s birthday is coming up on Friday, and we need to make sure everyone in the office signs her card.
1. So, did you get a chance to sign Sharon’s birthday card yet?
A. Shit, I forgot. I’ll sign it once I’m done filling out this budget report.
B. I’m so happy that somebody is having a birthday!
C. I didn’t know it was going around! Why didn’t you give it to me first?
D. Another year older? Has time passed that quickly?
2. Do you think you can do it right now? I need to get everybody’s signature.
A. Just leave it on my desk. I’ll get to it in a minute.
B. Do you have a pen? Who’s Sharon?
C. I already know what I’m going to say. I’ve had it planned in my head for weeks.
D. She’s turning 28, right? Which means in a few weeks I’m going to be…oh no.
3. I guess I can come back in ten minutes…
A. Okay! I’ll do it now! Obviously the budget’s not as important as my signature on this Hallmark card.
B. No, I’m done! Here it is! Sharon’s the one with red hair in marketing, right?
C. Yes, do that. I need to make sure it looks perfect. She’s…so special.
D. I haven’t been on a date in six months…oh, god. I’m sorry, I need to go…
If you picked mostly A’s:
You think you’re too good to sign Sharon’s birthday card.
I know you’re a hot-shot business manager and Sharon’s just in human resources, but could you try getting your head out of your ass and be nice for once? It’s not like I enjoy bugging everyone for signatures all day, you know.
If you picked mostly B’s:
You don’t even know Sharon, do you?
You’re the kind of person who pretends to be everyone’s best friend in the office, but you just sign “Happy birthday, I hope it’s a great one!” on every single card no matter who it is, don’t you? I can see right through your lies, Donna.
If you picked mostly C’s:
Well, someone has a crush on Sharon!
Aww, that’s so sweet! But there’s a fine line between admirer and stalker, so try not to cross it. I’m not going to be the ambassador for your crazy.
If you picked mostly D’s:
Have you considered talking about it to somebody?
You shouldn’t have to feel this way. No one likes turning 40, but I don’t think it’s normal to quietly sob at your desk when you’re asked to sign a card. I have a number for this therapist. I think you should give her a call.