You did it: You finally landed a fella, and what’s more, he’s practically perfect! He is sweet, employed, and finds all of your annoying idiosyncrasies charming and whimsical. There’s just this thing about his face though, you know? Where it like, looks bad, if that makes sense? But does that have to be a deal-breaker? You don’t want to be too picky. After all, it’s taken you this long just to wrangle a guy with any sort of face. You know he has a multitude of assets, but can you really learn to cope with the way his face is? Take this quiz to find out!
1. What comes to mind when you think of your boyfriend’s face?
a. I want to rub it down with sandpaper to smooth out the lumps.
b. There’s nothing wrong with it, I guess… but I would prefer not to think about it.
c. It is fleshy shapes.
2. How would you describe your beau’s face to your friends?
a. I want to peel off the top layer to see if there is something better underneath, like when they renovate houses on HGTV.
b. He is totally great and so unbelievably sweet, you almost don’t even notice his face! Until you do. Sigh.
c. He has many qualities.
3. How do you feel when you see a picture of the two of you?
a. I want to rip it to pieces and reassemble those pieces into a mosaic. If I can’t make him beautiful, I will make him art.
b. I mean, in all honesty I look really hot in comparison, but for some reason I keep cropping him out of Facebook photos in my sleep. Is that normal?
c. I am proud to be able to recognize both of our likenesses.
4. Would you feel differently if he wore glasses?
a. I think glasses would make his slimy slug lips look more pronounced, which would only remind me of how much I want to salt them until they shrivel down to a manageable size. Basically, I’d rather pay for his Lasik.
b. He already wears glasses, I think. I honestly haven’t looked directly at him long enough to be sure.
c. With the right prescription, glasses can be very helpful in improving vision.
If you got…
Mostly As: Sorry, girlfriend, but there is no way you are ever going to come to terms with his face. He’s not a fixer-upper; he’s a pile of haunted rubble in a nuclear wasteland. You will never be able to accept that, and you should seriously move on before all the nice-faced men are taken!
Mostly Bs: It’s too soon to tell if you can truly cope with his face because you avoid looking at it/thinking about it/dealing with it as much as possible. If you can keep this up indefinitely, you may have a long-term relationship on your hands! However, watch out for prolonged eye contact or creeping nightmares about your boo’s visage. These are surefire signs that repression and denial techniques may not sustainable for a lifetime. Oh well.
Mostly Cs: Congrats! Your disturbingly detached attitude and apparent lack of standards make you the perfect match for this funky-faced fella. What happened to you to make you this way? You may not ever feel true connection with this human (or any human, by the looks of it), but you sure can cope with that face of his!
