QUIZ: Are You An Abbi Or An Ilana? If Neither, Why Do You Hate Women?

It’s spring, so you know what that means—Comedy Central’s Broad City is back on TV. Take this quiz to find out if you’re a neurotic Abbi type or a free spirit like Ilana, ’cause those are the only two options! If it turns out that you are neither, we want to know why you hate women. Take our exclusive quiz to find out!


1) If you could spend $1,000 in one place, where would it be?

a) Bed, Bath and Beyond

b) A marijuana dispensary

c) None of the above. You see, I hate women.


2) Your ideal day is:

a) Hanging out with my best friend

b) Hanging out with Lil Wayne

c) Hanging out with anyone really, so long as they are not women.


3) The thing that annoys you most is:

a) My roommate’s boyfriend

b) The rat in my apartment

c) I hate ‘em!


4) Two words that describe you are:

a) Tough and independent

b) Caramel and queer

c) Woman-hating and woman-hating.


5) You’re crushing on:

a) Your cute neighbor

b) Your best friend

c) Why are you asking me this? Are you a woman?


6) Are you seeing anyone right now?

a) No.

b) Yes, but like whatever.

c) Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I like women.



7) Have you ever urinated in public?

a) Yes

b) Yes

c) Yes


8) Work is:

a) A necessary evil.

b) A great place to take a nap.

c) I hate women.


9) You express yourself through

a) Your art.

b) Your body.

c) YouTube comments, mostly.


See below for your results.


If you answered mostly A’s you got….


Abbi! You’re strong, artsy, and yes, competitive. You’re a friendly person… but people who know you know they should be careful not to cross you. Yaaas queen!


If you answered mostly B’s you got…


Ilana! You are confident, fun, and always the life of the party…even if there’s no party. You’re a supportive person, and you might never love anyone as much as you love your best friend. Yaaas queen!


If you answered mostly C’s you got….


Hmmm. You didn’t get either Abbi or Ilana so why do you hate women? If you aren’t an Abbi or an Ilana there is no other conclusion we can possibly draw other than you detest all human people who are female. It’s honestly insane that you wouldn’t identify with any of the traits in the two main characters from Broad City. Please consider re-taking the quiz with this in mind, otherwise we have no other option than to think you are a misogynist pig. Yas queen.