Well, it’s that time of the month again: You’re ovulating! You and your husband have tried every trick in the baby book to conceive a little bundle of joy, but so far, no dice. Maybe it’s time to think about ditching the usual sexy playlist for the sexy world of podcasting. While any of the dulcet voices on WNYC or NPR will get you and your hubby in the mood, here are the juiciest podcasts that will practically guarantee sperm-to-egg contact:
Stuff You Missed In History Class
Two women from Georgia uncover history’s quirkiest tales and investigate them thoroughly in each heavily-researched, half-hour episode of this podcast. Me so horny! Stuff You Missed In History Class is a delightful look at history’s little mysteries, as well as the perfect soundtrack to your future insemination.
Beget your child with a podcast that best embodies our nation’s current political climate, attempting to untangle the impenetrable web of federal politics. You can bet the host will go into suffocating detail on topics ranging from bills being lobbied to foreign diplomacy. You two won’t be able to keep your hands off each other! And who knows? You might just have a lil’ politician cooking by the end of the first episode!
The Disciplined Investor
Everyone knows children are expensive, so treat yourself to a few lessons in fiscal responsibility while you are penetrated deeply and lovingly with the goal of producing a child. Hopefully, your baby will be paying close enough attention to learn the importance of wise investments. Are you as turned on by that thought as we are? Hey we’re makin’ a baby!
Nothing sets children ahead of the curve like knowing a second language, so why not start as early as possible by playing German language lessons during copulation! Improve your own vocabulary by practicing your German pronunciation out loud, during sex, using this proven slow method to language learning. It sounds like dirty talk, but it’s actually basic conversational German! No foreplay necessary!
General Biochemistry and Microbiology Podcast Lecture Series
Ooooh, this one will make you nice and fertile! Topics such as DNA structure, eukaryotic transcription, and cell division are all covered so you know you two will be hot, bothered, and ready to put a bun in the oven!
“Oh, yes! Oh God, yes! Turn that podcast up louder and make sure you have another one downloaded! I’m coming!” is what you’ll say when you attempt insemination while listening to any of these sweet, sexy pods. And we dare you not to get teary when you think about your new baby all grown up, listening to podcasts of their own.