In a devastating story emerging from a coffee shop in Bethesda, MA, 24-year-old Patti O’Neil is realizing in real time that she’s definitely told this story to someone before, but she can’t for the life of her remember whom.
The ordeal began when Patti’s friend Yuri Seminova told her that he was heading to Florida this month, which launched Patti on a long and winding tale about her own trip to Florida.
“I got about five sentences into my story about falling from a parasail when I realized I had maybe told him this already,” she told reporters from the coffee shop’s bathroom, where she had come to hide. “It all felt too familiar. But maybe I’m being crazy?”
Sources confirm Patti has told the story of her parasailing mishap on seven separate occasions, which means the odds of her already having told Yuri are pretty high.
“If I have already told him, this is going to be extremely embarrassing for me,” she continued. “Why can’t I remember what I’ve said and to whom? These are the kinds of questions he is probably asking himself right now.”
According to sources who have heard the story before, Patti tells three jokes and inserts one witty quip in the course of the tale, so if Yuri has heard them before, he’s going to realize these inserts weren’t spontaneous and fun like they seemed the first time.
“If he’s heard it before, he’ll know I’m a fraud and a trickster when it comes to humorous interjections,” she continued, head in her hands. “They’re all planned! They’re always planned!”
Sources confirm Yuri has yet to give any indication that he’s heard the story before, indications such as predicting where the story will go or flat out saying, “you’ve told me this before.”
“That doesn’t mean I haven’t told him though,” Patti continued. “Maybe he’s just being nice, playing along to make me feel special, but in his mind, he knows I’m a fool. God, what if he knows I’m a fool?”
As of press time, Patti had decided to return to the table and not tell the rest of the story, instead pretending she hadn’t even started in the first place. That plan went awesome, until Yuri launched into a story of his own that he’d already told Patti three times in the past.
