My husband Rodney and I have been happily married for a little over seven years so you can imagine the shock I felt when he asked if we could open our relationship so he could see other women. And by “asked” I mean he slipped a small handwritten note through the bars of the charming wicker cage I’ve kept him in since our wedding day.
I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Truth be told, I have my reservations about opening up our marriage. My first fear is, of course, losing him to another relationship, and the second is losing him to the world at large, which he has not had free access to in several years.
When Rodney expressed his interest in other women, I felt sadness that our romance had waned. I also felt confusion as to how he had found a pen and writing paper since I only allow a daily serving of chicken bones and potato skins to slip through the cage’s feeding hole.
I guess I should have seen something like this coming—I’d always heard about the seven-year itch. But before now I just thought that itch was just caused by his naked body constantly chafing against the hard wicker restraints I’d so carefully crafted in anticipation of our union! How could I have been so blind?
I tried to discuss the matter with Rodney during his monthly recreation period. “Rodney, when we got married we said for better or for worst,” I said as he ran around as he always does, trying to climb the walls of the oubliette. I told him I feel like I’m putting in more effort here than he gives me credit for, to which he responded “LET ME OUT OF HERE, YOU WITCH!” You know, how it is. It’s so hard to get through to men.
The more I thought of it the more I realized that, as much as it pained me, it might do our marriage good to open things up a little. If you love something, set it free, right?
So after a long talk (I cried a little, Rodney said “NO! NO! RELEASE ME, PLEASE!”), we decided that my husband is free to see other women as long as I have gone out, captured them and placed them in an adjacent wicker cage. I explained to my hubby that it may take a little while to get used to this arrangement, and some time to venture to a nearby village and find a lady to capture, but what it’s that kind of attentive care that makes love…love!
