After a lengthy and vicious legal battle, Cook County Family Court has awarded custody of Betty Lancaster, mother of 29-year-old Derek Lancaster, to his ex-wife Sarah Miller.
“Derek’s being a douche,” claimed Miller in her testimony. “I just miss his mom. She’s so sweet!”
According to reports, the domestic troubles began when Mrs. Lancaster posted a frownie face emoji in response to the Facebook update that Sarah Miller was single.
When asked if he would seek to appeal, Mr. Lancaster responded, “Whatever. It’s just fucking weird that Sarah still Gchats with my mom.”
A statement released by Miller’s attorney states: “We hope that all parties involved can now move forward amicably. Also, Derek is a douche.”