In a story that proves a kind heart triumphs even over fear, 25-year-old Yvette Artheson has decided that she will allow the bug that is currently scaling her ceiling to continue living, mostly because she’s already in bed.
She could kill it but is choosing not to? What a benevolent woman! Magnanimous queen!
“We are so quick to anger in this life, especially as it pertains to the little creatures and critters that we share our world with,” Yvette told reporters without getting up from bed because she was honestly super comfy and didn’t want to risk losing her position. “I’m taking this as an opportunity to reflect and remind myself that we are all at one with God’s creations. Just because the bug has entered my room doesn’t mean that it deserves to die.”
As far as whether this decision comes as a result of the fact that Yvette just got comfortable and doesn’t really want to move, she firmly denies it.
“My decision to let this bug live has everything to do with my moral character and nothing to do with the fact that I’m really cozy and snug and don’t want to get up right now,” she continued.
Yvette then rolled over to the other side of the bed in protest, but reporters coaxed her back by promising they wouldn’t be mean.
“The worst time for a bug to arrive in a bedroom is right before someone gets into bed,” said psychological researcher Tyra Montagne. “Because that’s when we’re most likely to fortify our rooms and feel the need to kill any intruders. The best time for a bug to make itself known, though, is once someone is already in bed. Because at that point, people are pretty willing to leave it in the hands of God and coexist.”
Sources confirm the most deadly time for bugs globally is 8:30pm – when people are walking around the house alert and willing to murder for the sake of their own safety – while the least deadly time is 11:30pm – when everyone’s kind of too tired to give a shit.
As of press time, the bug started to crawl suspiciously close to Yvette’s bed. Her magnanimous instincts immediately left her body and she decided – on second thought – that killing it would probably be a better call.
