Hollywood is full of secrets. Everyone is always clamoring to know the beauty secrets of the stars. How do I make my skin glow? How do I make my hair look perfect yet carefree? How do celebrities always take the perfect “duck lips“ selfie? How do you lose those pesky last five pounds? The answer? Dehydration.
Dating all the way back to 1323 BC when King Tut’s corpse was drained for the mummification process, dehydration has always been the number one secret to looking thin. Dehydration is this season’s must-have accessory, and if you’re not super thirsty, you’re missing out! Here are some tips on how to keep your mouth parched and your skin drained.
Turn Your Air Conditioning On Blast
Air conditioners cause low water content in the atmosphere and are a great way to make your body’s H2O, H2GO! Sleep in an “iglroom” and you’ll see instant results in your sunken in eyes and prominent cheekbones the next morning. Rumor has it Rachel Zoe keeps her home at a brisk 50 degrees all night long.
Consume Coffee And Wine Only
Nothing gives you chapped lips quite like coffee and wine. Ingesting only coffee and wine (or “joe” and “vino” in Hollywood-speak) is one of the best ways to stay sassy all day long, while also making you drier than the Mojave desert.
Live In High Altitude
There’s a reason everyone at Sundance looks amazing! Altitude is dehydration’s BFF. Whether you’re trekking up into the mountains to ski a few black diamonds or just to get your “vino” on, your flaking skin will be sure to give you the confidence to tackle anything that comes your way!
Get Diarrhea
Sloppily releasing your stomach contents is a guaranteed way to make your lips “prune.” Not only is liquid poop a great way to stay dehydrated, but it’s also a great way to acquire abs that would make Jillian Michaels jealous. Whispers around Tinseltown report that stars like Heidi Klum are toting flasks of castor oil everywhere they go!
Elevate Your Stress Level
From taking care of a baby to watching the movie Gravity, raising your stress levels will make you sweat and dry you out so much that your skin will be begging for aid from the Red Cross. Getting overwhelmed is also a great way to keep your mind in tip-top “I’ll do anything to land this audition” shape.
Literally Age
Not only does wisdom and beauty come with age, but so does a dermis that can’t contain moisture as well as it used to! As you get older, your body will no longer hold onto water and you’ll be able to truly feel “dusty.” Just ask Dame Judi Dench! If she weren’t so old, she’d be Dame Judi Drenched.
So go on, take those selfies, you cotton mouthed beauty! You’re glowing like a beautiful little cornhusk!
