‘I’m Not Looking For Anything Serious,’ Says Man Who Will Rely on You for All His Emotional Support

Brooklyn resident Aiden Foster claimed several times that he “isn’t looking for anything serious,” not knowing that in mere weeks, he will rely on you solely for all of his emotional needs.


“I’m just looking to have some fun this summer,” says Aiden, who will be crying in your arms by August. “I just don’t really have time to put energy into a relationship right now.”


Sources can confirm that by early June, he’ll be telling several things he’s never told anyone – especially not a therapist.


“It’s just like, relationships really take a lot of work,” says the man who will ensure you are late for work because he’s “sad”. “And I gotta stay on my hustle and grind, you know?”


Aiden, who will insist on keeping things “casual” for the entirety of the summer, will take up more of your emotional reserves than all of your long-term relationships combined.



“So hopefully we can keep our options open for awhile,” says Aiden, who will cancel on dinner plans last-minute, then call you at 3am wanting to talk about his existential dread. “This is gonna be the summer of fun!”


Upon realizing that you’re a “really good listener,” Aiden will continue to emotionally dump on you until you pretty much assume you’re in a relationship, but will stop responding to your texts when he meets someone who is an even better listener. He will not have the courage to dump you in person.


“I’m just a chill guy,” Aiden said. “No drama here.”