I’m in a Throuple Because Our Fourth Left to Go to Some Chocolate Factory With His Grandson  

charlie's four grandparents in bed

There are so many misconceptions about polyamory, and I believe that’s largely because most people don’t know someone in a poly relationship. I want to share my experience and perspective of being consensually and ethically involved with multiple partners, but first, you must understand that each polyamorous relationship is unique. For instance, I am in a throuple because our fourth left to go to some chocolate factory with his grandson for some reason.


First, I want to dispel any notion that polyamory is some new or passing trend. Joe, Josephine, George, and I were in a committed quad for 20 years, and we still would be if Joe’s grandson didn’t waltz in one day and tell him to get out of our shared bed and get ready to go to a chocolate factory for some reason. I’m not really sure why Joe got to go. I mean, we all like chocolate, right? But that’s neither here nor there.


At first, adjusting from a foursome to a threesome had its difficulties and growing pains. There’s such perfect harmony to the number four: always someone for everybody. But when Joe sprang the hell up, grabbed his coat, and jaunted to the damn chocolate factory with Charlie, we were like, “okay, bye.” Soon we learned that having one less body in a full (not even queen) bed really makes a significant difference, and frankly Josephine, George, and I kind of just vibe better anyway.



Being in a throuple is all about communication and collaboration. For example, we all take turns bringing glasses of water to bed, whereas Joe was always like, “Oh, I’m so old, I’m so tired” and it was like right, same, but we’re still pitching in, listening to each other’s needs, and turning each other over every few hours to not get bedsores. And yeah, you can bet he found some pep in his step when he got eyes on that one-way golden ticket to chocolate town. Where was that energy in our bed? (Sexually).


Ultimately, I believe anyone could benefit from and enjoy being part of a healthy polyamorous relationship. Just make sure you’re adaptable because you never know when your fourth is going to skip town to go eat chocolate with a bunch of weird children. But even if he does, between you and me, you might be better off. Bye, Joe!