‘I Love How You Don’t Wear a Ton of Makeup,’ Says Man Whose Date Is Wearing Three Different Foundations

In a story out of Plano, TX, local man Caleb Sullivan just complimented his date on her – as he calls it – “natural” look. What he failed to realize, however, was that his date was in fact wearing three different foundations, blush, eye shadow, concealer, highlighter, brow gel, and false eyelashes.


“I just hate when girls cake their faces in makeup,” said Caleb, who apparently thinks “makeup” means bold lipstick and heavy eyeliner. “It makes me feel like they’re hiding something – their natural face, progressive political opinions, whatever. I much prefer when they don’t wear any makeup at all, like my date here.”


His date, Yasmin Pena, told reporters that she wasn’t sure where he got the idea that she wasn’t wearing any makeup.


“I actually have more makeup on right now than I usually do,” she said. “I don’t know if he thinks my cheeks naturally shimmer or what, but I’m definitely not trying to hide the fact that I’m wearing makeup. One of my Wispies actually came unglued earlier and he just went, ‘Oh, there’s a bug on your eye’ and pulled it the rest of the way off! I was too stunned to even say anything.”


She continued, saying, “I mean, yeah, it’s a pretty natural look, in that I’m not wearing purple eye shadow or anything.”


Caleb, who hadn’t been listening to a word his date just said, claimed that he loved the “natural contours” of her face, adding that he gets along much better with women who don’t wear makeup because they’re less “stuck up” and “high maintenance.”



“I’m horrified that he thinks we’re getting along right now,” Yasmin told reporters. “He’s been straight monologuing for the past 45 minutes while I’ve been trying to subtly flag the waiter down. I’d say it’s been one of the worst dates of my life. It’s super obvious why other women have stopped dating him.”


At press time, Caleb reported that in addition to wearing too much makeup, all the women he’s dated in the past were “gold diggers” – even though he quite literally has $5 to his name. He also thought his date was taking a super long time in the restroom, in spite of the fact that she literally said to his face, “I’m not going to the restroom, I’m leaving the restaurant and going home.”