I used to love my job; the hours were great and my coworkers and I all became pretty good friends, but I also thought that I had almost total agency over how I could spend my time in the office. However, yesterday I found out that wasn’t true when we were about to have a meeting and I needed to go outside to get all my zoomies out, and my boss wouldn’t let me.
The healthy work environment I thought we had went right out the window!
Yesterday, my office was scheduled to have an important meeting with clients at 2 p.m., which I was totally prepared for, but what I didn’t see coming was the energy building up inside of me the whole day, begging to be let out as soon as possible.
All I wanted to do was run around in circles outside! Is that a crime?
It’s not even like I was making it up to go get a donut or something. “The zoomies” is a scientifically proven behavior called Frenetic Random Activity Period, or FRAP, and it’s only natural for me to need to express it whenever and wherever I am at the moment it strikes.
However, when I told my boss that I needed to go outside to run around until I got tired, he was not only dismissive, but he shut me down completely.
“We have a meeting with our biggest clients in less than five minutes,” he told me. “So no, you can’t go outside because you have ‘the zoomies’. Also, I’m pretty sure that’s something only dogs get.”
After this interaction, I learned that my workplace was actually an extremely toxic environment, and that my boss was basically a tyrant ruling this office with an iron fist.
Little did he know that suppressing the zoomies only makes them even worse. I had to go through the entire meeting stifling myself from barking, digging, or stamping my foot uncontrollably.
I couldn’t even hear what the clients were saying because I needed to go outside so fucking bad!
Not only that, but we were so swamped after hearing our clients’ notes that I couldn’t even let out my zoomies until EOD. And then I missed my train because I couldn’t stop running around the block.
After this traumatizing experience, I’m not sure if this company is the right fit for me after all. Sure, I love my coworkers and the work that we do, but if I can’t be let outside to get rid of all my stored up energy by barking at squirrels on the street, then I’m not sure if I can continue working there, unless they give me another squeaky toy or something. We can negotiate.
