I Changed My Eyebrow Arch to Gothic Cathedral and Now People Are Suspicious of My Motives

Changing your eyebrow shape is no small feat, and the results can be unexpected. I was going for a more defined arch, but I over-shot it and gave myself telenovela brows. Steep, Ursula-from-Little-Mermaid brows. Gothic Cathedral arch brows. And now people are suspicious of my motives.


I didn’t notice at first just how much my life had changed. It didn’t occur to me that people on the street were parting to let me pass through unbothered. People nearest me on the subway got off at the next stop, right after I glanced at them. A quick look over my shoulder to all those behind me caused the men to shudder, the women to pull their children in close.


I couldn’t understand why people were acting so strangely. The man behind the cafe counter trembled as he asked for my name and order, terrified of getting it wrong. In an effort to comfort him, I said in a low voice, “Don’t be scared.” He stammered that he wasn’t scared. “Then why are you shaking?” I asked. My innocent question made him collapse in a heap of sobs. And it’s all because of these striking and defined brows!


As I left the coffee shop with my drink (free of charge), I noticed my reflection in the steely glass of a high rise. At last, I saw myself as others saw me. Beautiful, yet frightening. I thought that the world would look at me and see a woman clumsy with her tweezers, but instead the world sees a woman with an evil plan. Ulterior motives. An unspoken desire for revenge. A seductress with cruel intentions.


It wasn’t my plan to make people around me feel this way, but as fate would have it my eyebrows have made their mark. It’s true, in a couple weeks I would be able to grow them out — back to the fuzzy, friendly pair of brows that I naturally sport. But I’ve decided to follow my newfound purpose.


The world shall know and revere me.



Like the gods on high: church steeples, cathedral spires, and my eyebrows tower above earthly woes. It’s understandable that people are wary of power. Masterful architecture can make believers out of the doubtful. It can pull humility from the arrogant. It can tame the ambitious and inspire the timid.


So yeah, I’m gonna keep them! And I’m sure I’ll get used to puppies whimpering when they see me on the street.