How to Stop Trying to Be The Girl He Wants You to Be and Become His Waking Nightmare

Times are changing, and it’s time to stop putting all of your energy into being the fun-loving, chill girl he’s always wanted you to be. It’s time to finally be who you are, and to also make him suffer endlessly as a nightmare from which he can never wake. Here’s how to stop being that pixie-like dream girl he wants, and become the waking nightmare that will ruin his fucking life instead.


Wear Your Hair Really Messy

It’s your life ­– give yourself permission to let your hair do what it wants! Next time you’re going out for dinner with his friends, leave that hair in a messy bun to show him you are your own person. Then, pour some glue on it and stick it in a trash can full of old burrito bowls and dog shit. You’ll smell like a sewer and he’ll tell you you’re disgusting, and you should be disgusting. You’re his waking nightmare, baby!


Seduce Him With a Short Skirt and a Short Temper

Next time you’re feeling frisky, put on your shortest skirt – for you, not him. Keep dropping things in front of him, bend over seductively and whisper, “Do you like my short skirt?…HOW ABOUT MY SHORT TEMPER, ASSHOLE!” then proceed to run around his house knocking down everything made of glass, including the photo of him and his deceased mother. Oh sorry, bro, this is just how girls are when they’re not trying to impress you and are here to destroy you instead! Ahaha!


Be Nice and Also a Huge Bitch

Ask him how his day was, and tell him you’re sorry if it was rough. Give him a massage, or not, because you don’t have to be any kind of girl for him! When he starts talking about his day, let him know you’d rather sink in freezing water on a teeny boat than hear him say one more word. It’s your right to be a bitch, and it’s also your right to be a fucking disaster that ruins his life!


Find The Independence To Never Call Again

Sometimes guys want you to need them, but you’re allowed to find your independence and hold onto it. In fact, you’re allowed to love your independence so much you wake up in the night, throw your toothbrush in your purse, ignore his missed calls, find a tank of gasoline, pour out a line of it starting from his house and ending at a match, light it, and never call again. You’re a monster, and you’re just getting started!



These tips will turn you into a nightmare for sure, but a nightmare who is being true to herself, and not to society’s expectations of what a woman should be. Celebrate it, girl! You’re a fucking demon now!