It’s bound to happen—you’re out with friends and suddenly you have to let out a massive, sneeze. Sneezing is a reminder of the fragility of our mortal coils and is definitely not cute. But have no fear! By following these cutesy easy-weasy steps, you can ensure your “achoos” are as cute as a button this cold and flu season!
Make your sneezies very very tiny!
This one takes a little discipline but, with enough practice, you can train yourself to turn that one big, satisfying sneeze into a teeny, rapid-fire, machine gun battery of cuteness. Sure, releasing dozens of little “achoos” may seem inefficient and unhealthy, but how adorbs are those cute little sneezes?
Shove an itty bitty kazoo up your nose!
Sure, it will hurt at first, but once that brain-splitting pain dies down to a cute lil’ ache, your snot explosions will come out as melodic tweets!
Sneeze shiny glisteny glitter!
Being cute is all about the art of misdirection. If you’re cursed with ugly wugly big sneezes, try filling your sinuses with glitter! Your friends will be so distracted by the shiny shower that they’ll forget about the viral explosion you’ve just unleashed on their delicate immune systems!
Remove your cute and wavy cilia!
Cilia are those little hairs that trigger a sneeze when irritants are sensed in the nasal cavity. While they are super adorable on their own, in your nose, they can cause yucky sneezies! Disclaimer: With no protective cilia you will be prone to inhaling dangerous particles in the air. So just avoid air and you’re all set!
Replace your big ugly nose with a tiny baby mouse.
Friends and family are sure to squeal over the tiny squeak emitted when your sneeze is nothing but a tiny baby mouse! Just remember that mice have a much shorter lifespan than people so always keep a spare handy to avoid walking around with a dead baby rodent corpse on your cute little face.
By following these simple tips, you’ll be able to maintain your child-like cuteness in sickness or in health!