How to Reschedule Your Way Into the Next Life

It’s happened to all of us: You say yes to event after event, filling your calendar with lunch meetings, coffee dates, and walks that you “have to” go on because your dog is a little drama-boy who can’t hold his bladder. When we overcommit ourselves like this, we often end of bailing, sometimes at the last minute. Sadly, there’s no way out of that, but as far as everything else, your best escape is just to reschedule your obligations months, or even years into the future, putting all plans off until you’re well into your next life. Here’s how:


Be vague.

The most important thing to keep in mind when attempting to reschedule your obligations is to be vague about when you actually can do something. Try saying something like, “Can we reschedule this for a later date? And can we also pick the later date on a later date?” This way, you can stay in their good graces just by kicking the can down the road.. Then, when it comes time for your future self to deal with those obligations, just enact the same method of intentional indeterminateness until everything you have scheduled falls on the shoulders of the nonexistent being you have yet to become.


Pretend to be busy for a long, long time.

Always say you have something coming up. Busy schedule. Real busy. You could barely pencil them in. So much going on for you these days. You want to meet, but this month just probably isn’t any good. Tell them to check back in a few years once you’ve got some stuff out of the way. Sometimes life is just too much, but they shouldn’t worry, there will be plenty of free time once our souls leave our earthly forms for another!



Quack like a duck.

It’s simple: just quack like a duck, then those people that wanted to schedule something with you won’t want to anymore. Then, when you see them next, just say, “Sorry for quacking like a duck. I was having one of my classic duck episodes that I do.” They should buy that. Then just keep doing this until you’re dead.


So, in the end, it’s just important to remember, that even though obligations may seem overwhelming to you now, if you play your cards right, you won’t have to worry about them in this life at all. On to the next!