How to Pretend to Believe Julia’s Complaints About Her Large and Perfect Breasts

Friendships are complex, layered, and sometimes involve listening to someone that won’t stop pretending her flawless breasts are an annoying burden. If it was anyone else, you’d tell them to shut up about their beautiful boobs, but Julia’s a really good friend with so many incredible attributes that you want to deal delicately with her ridiculous comments. So how can you hide that you suspect Julia actually loves her large and perfect breasts? Here’s how:


Record Your Responses!

Your phone is an easy way to record your voice giving commonly used and positive responses such as:  “Mmhmm,” “That must be so tough,” or “OH! I can’t imagine,” and then you can just play these when you’re on the phone with Julia while she complains about bra shopping for her beautiful, full breasts, even though you strongly suspect she’s smiling on the other end.


Don’t Look!

After she says, “I hate my big boobs, everything looks too sexy on me!” and you see that irritating smile or smirk, simply avert your eyes. If you don’t actually see the smile or her perfect chest, it’ll be easier to sympathize with her imaginary plight. Stare into space and say, “Yeah, all that attention sounds really annoying.”



Remember that theatre workshop you took the summer that douche Kevin ripped your heart out? You can finally put it to good use by memorizing and reciting a sympathetic monologue from a movie. It doesn’t even have to make complete sense! Your monologue about finding the will to live is completely unrelated, but your friend will still be happy because she’ll think you’re in a conversation about her oversized boobs.


Be Negative!

Make up an awful story about big breasts. This method may be more difficult, but if you have the balls of a monster, you might be able to pull it off. Spin the tale of The Lady Whose Boob Got Caught In The Car Door.



Just Take The Compliment!

Sometimes you have to suck it up and just say, “Yes, Julia, I am so lucky my breasts are small. You’re right, it would be way worse to be able to fill out a dress and have people tell me how good I look.”


Making Julia think that you truly believe her when she says her gorgeous boobs are a huge hassle is always going to be a challenge. But once you’re equipped with some bold and brainy responses, you’ll be able to keep your friendship intact and pretend like everything she’s saying is true and important.