How to Play It Cool Even Though You’ve Definitely Imagined Him Squeezing Your Hand as You Push His Baby Out

When you’re on a first date, striking the perfect balance between being interested and nonchalant can be difficult. Especially if you’ve spent a lot of time fantasizing about him lovingly caressing your fertile, pregnant belly and devotedly raising your fictional children in the beautiful home you will one day share together. Here’s how to play it cool even though you’ve definitely imagined him squeezing your hand passionately as you push out his beloved child.


Lay Low on Social Media

Friending the guy you hung out with one time on social media can seem needy. You don’t want him to think you’re scrolling through his photos to get a sense of what your future child will look like, which is exactly what you’re doing. Play it cool by not giving him any indication that you fantasize about him stroking your sweaty hair as you scream, “GET ME ICE CHIPS!” Way to play it cool!


Wait Three Hours to Reply

Though you may be tempted to respond to his text immediately, hold off for as long as you can. You don’t want him thinking you’re available at every hour of every day, because you’re not. You’re busy living a full life of picturing him teary-eyed as you push out his baby. That’s actually very hard work! It takes a lot of focus to detail the fantasy where he whispers, “I love you” and kisses the top of your head as you hold your perfect baby. Very chill!


Hold Off on Relationship Talk

It can be tempting to want to talk about the future of your relationship after sparks fly on a first date. But hold off! You don’t want to be the girl who comes on too strong. Instead, you’ll just be the girl daydreaming about him crawling into your hospital bed as you hold the baby you made together. He’ll say, “How about we name him James?” and you’ll smile and nod, because that was the name you secretly wanted too. Look at you going with the flow!



Don’t Stare

If you’re in a room with him, stay chill. Act like he’s just another random person and not the guy who will eventually teach your child right from wrong and also baseball. Don’t act like you’ve thought about him waking you up in the night and saying, “Let’s have another.” Hang loose, dude!


Do Things for Yourself

Take a yoga class. Or just schedule in an hour of fantasy time where you get to picture the moment you pee on the pregnancy test for a second time and tell him it’s positive. He’ll kiss you and hold your hand and shout enthusiastically, “We’re doing this.” Who’s a mellow bitch now?


Here’s how to chill out even though you spend most of your day fantasizing about him showing you exorbitant amounts of love as you deliver him a child. If friends tell you these fantasies are unrealistic, joke’s on them, because in the future you have no financial strains and never get tired because of all the love! Ha!