How to Look Sexy When You Look Like Garbage All The Time

Looking sexy is nearly impossible when it’s so much easier to not look sexy. However, there comes a time in every woman’s life when she either wants to, or needs to, start trying a little bit. Here are easy tips for looking amazing when you spend most of your life dressing like a human sweatpant lost in the jungle.


Buy Clothes That Look Good on You

You’ve probably only tried this once or twice, but the best way to look good is to buy clothes that look good on your body instead of buying that same hoodie again but in a different color. So get to a store (like H&M or better) and start trying clothes on. If you look in the mirror and think, “Wow, look at me,” you did it! If you think, “Who is that walking butthole?” then go ahead and toss that outfit aside. Being your hottest self isn’t so hard, as long as you manage to get out of bed in the first place!



Note What Your Hot Friend Wears

Everyone has a hot friend and you are no exception. You can never be the hot friend, because your base look is hot garbage, but you can at least try. So simply take note of the things your hot friend wears when she looks her hottest. Next, ask her where she got it as an obvious ploy to steal her style. Then steal her style. Voila! You are now dressed identical to your friend and she always looks sexy so that’s a win for you!


Actually Do Your Hair

Most days, you put your hair into whatever “style” makes it the least unpredictable. But now that you want to meet society’s beauty standards, you’re going to have to find a hairdo that says, “I actually give a shit now.” Pay attention to girls on the street with similar hair, take creepy pictures of them when they’re not looking, and then attempt the new style at home, because plain long straight hair is way harder than it looks. In this situation less is more, because you have been laying down most of the day and half your hair is a different texture than the other half, and that’s not easy to tame!


Do One Extra Thing

Expecting yourself to get a manicure, pedicure, shave your legs, do your eyebrows, wax whatever, stand up straight, and put on a bra is completely unreasonable. So push yourself to do just one of those things to give yourself the little extra oomph you need. You don’t need all of that to feel blazing hot because, honestly, anything is better than your normal I-just-woke-up-from-the-nightmare-about-the-jackals-again look.


So if you’re used to looking like a human wasteland, that’s perfectly fine. But if you want to try to look sexy for once in your shit life, know that it is possible. You just have to maybe do stuff, which totally blows. But good luck!