Naturally, you Google your Tinder dates before you meet, and knowing his precise property value is just as important as his job, politics, or height. While visiting his house immediately after learning about his last property tax assessment can be daunting, he doesn’t need to know that you searched his address before your date! Here’s how to go home with him ever letting him know you know how much his home value went up this year.
Avoid talking about elementary schools in his area.
Sharing childhood memories? Be sure not to tell him what elementary school his house is zoned for, or how he lives in such a nice school district. Instead of talking about your experiences in elementary school, try talking about your parents getting divorced when you were seven! In addition to steering the conversation away from zoning information, it’s a nice way to introduce your trauma, which is way less weird.
Don’t ask to go in his hot tub.
Yes, going in the hot tub sounds like the perfect way to spend a romantic evening, but you can’t reveal that you know a hot tub is one of his home’s most coveted amenities. Instead, suggest doing something that does not correlate with the value of his home, such as giving each other back massages.
Ask him where the bathroom is.
Of course, you know that his bathroom is the first door on the right, but finding it yourself could seem suspicious. Asking where the bathroom is will also hide the fact that you know his home has two-and-a-half baths, and that the half bath extension was added in 2019.
For the love of God, don’t ask him when he painted the door red.
Sure, his door was gray in the most recent picture on Zillow, but for all you (should) know, it’s always been red. While it may be tempting to ask for a recommendation for an exterior painter, DON’T DO IT! There’s always Yelp if you want your door painted, too.
Every savvy dater should take advantage of the inside information Zillow can provide, but you don’t want to lose face with that potential mate once you realize he’s got sex appeal as well as curb appeal!