This weekend, the cultural phenomenon known as “WAP” hit the airwaves and the Internet. Unfortunately, this popular new song is not very relatable to you, because your Lexapro keeps you drier than the Sahara down there. But all you DAPpy girls out there shouldn’t be deprived of dancing to this absolute jam just because you had to choose between your mental health and a dripping wet coochie. Here are some tips on how to enjoy the certified banger of a song with your certified banger of a DAP:.
Focus On The Good Times
While listening to ‘WAP’, try to remember the many times before you went on Lexapro when you could have flooded a man’s apartment with that good juice. Focus on those brief, ecstasy-filled years before you were plagued with an anxiety disorder to propel you through each verse and pop that medically dried out pussy, girl!
Find A Lyric That Speaks To You
Sure, nearly 99% of the song centers around having sopping wet undercarriage, but surely you can find a lyric or two to relate to. For example: “There’s some whores in this house.” It’s you! You’re the depressed whore in this house and you haven’t left in a week. Your ‘DAP’ does not prevent you from being a promiscuous (and proud of it) lady.
Channel Kylie And Pretend You Belong
Much like Kylie’s cameo in the “WAP” music video, you may feel unwanted and out of place. But, just like Kylie, no one needs to know you don’t belong! Catwalk on down that dance floor and pretend you have one of those mop and bucket pussies they speak of. Only you and the doctor who prescribes your Wellbutrin will know the truth.
Enjoy The Female Empowerment Of It All
Just because your depressed ass hasn’t had natural snatch moisture since 2012, doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate this feminist bop. Cardi and Meg are out here shattering the pussy-juice-covered glass ceiling for you by rapping so openly about their sexual prowess. Take this time to celebrate your own progressive womanhood and sexuality with that little communion-wafer-crotch you’ve got.
Just Get Some Lube, Damn
Your gyno recommended this months ago. We honestly don’t know why you haven’t taken her advice yet. If you can’t go ‘WAP’ au naturale, just fake it ‘till you make it, baby!
