So, you’ve reached the point in the day where you have a pounding headache, your lips are unbearably dry, and you haven’t peed in, arguably, weeks. It’s time to drink some water. Your body is crying out for it, yes, but drinking water is one of the hardest things a person is asked to do. Here’s how you can drink water even though it doesn’t have 28 grams of sugar in it.
Close your eyes and plug your nose.
The worst part of drinking water is knowing it is not Iced Tea or some other flavorful, delicious drink that is packed with sugar and doused in food coloring. Lessen the burden on your sense by closing your eyes and plugging your nose. Then you can attribute its absolute lack of flavorful goodness to the fact that your nose is plugged! You could be drinking anything: a coke, a ginger ale, even one of those weird muscle milk things!
Remind yourself that not all good things are easy.
Drinking water is not about pleasure. It’s about need. Sometimes you must complete a task at work that you don’t want to complete and are also morally opposed to, but you’ve got to do it. This is just like having to drink water even though you don’t want to and are morally opposed to it. Those two things are exactly the same. As Glennon Doyle says, “We can do hard things.”
Find a way to drink passively.
For example, have a friend throw a water balloon at your face and hope some of the water gets in your mouth on accident. Find a way to turn on the sprinklers at the park while you run beneath them. Sugar isn’t the only thing that can make water fun – add some whimsy!
Add your own 28 grams of sugar.
Jesus Christ, why is water literally so hard to drink? Why can’t it just be tasty? Has no one thought of this yet? Has no one made tasty water yet? Too bad. Just throw your own 28 grams of sugar in there, stir, and down that thing. Just because it attracts hummingbirds doesn’t mean it’s not good for you.
There you have it! Simple and easy ways to drink water even though it’s gross and flavorless and weirdly clear. But if you can’t stomach that, try a Diet Coke! It’s basically water if water fucked.
