You’ve almost totally forgotten about That Thing—after all, it happened forever ago! You regret your part in it and totally forgive everyone, and it’s totally, totally fine. Everyone will understand and be super chill with you again in no time. All you have to do is make these little changes in your day-to-day life:
Ask everyone to coffee once a week.
It’s simple! Once a week, text each of your pals to set a coffee date. This will mean drinking a lot of coffee, given the size of your friend group and your limited Tuesday-evenings-only availability, but do you want to keep things chill? Yes! Coomunal caffeine consumption is a great way to ward off the residual weirdness from That Thing.
When That Thing comes up, say, “What thing? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and run away.
Running away from your problems doesn’t have to only be figurative. If you physically run away when someone asks you a question, that person is almost always too confused to catch up with you and ask again. Furthermore, if you do this enough times, your friends will be trained out of asking you about That Thing through textbook operant conditioning. That Thing? More like What Thing?
Smoke weed while skateboarding.
What could be more chill than a fine babe like yourself smoking weed AND grinding on some sweet rails? People will say things like, “Wow, very chill,” and “Have you noticed how chill she is lately?” and “Everything must be cool with everyone despite the emotional injuries we all sustained during That Thing.” Plus, teens will like you!
During any awkward silences exclaim, “Man, I love you guys!”
Awkward silences are prime opportunities for everyone to reflect on That Thing. Prevent this by proclaiming your love for everyone loudly and emphatically. Increased hugging plus talking about hanging out more like old times is also helpful.
At social gatherings, ask, “Does anyone have any drugs?”
Your increased drug use will distract everyone from That Thing. Instead of asking each other things like “How do you feel about everything lately?” and “Was That Thing hard for you too?” they’ll start asking such questions as “Is she doing okay?” and “Do you think she could get us mushrooms?”
All in all, that thing that happened was pretty weird, and it’s going to be a struggle at first, but just remember: you are super chill, everything is going to be fine, and weed helps.
