How Buying and Training My Own Hunting Falcon Made My Ex Super Jealous

After splitting up with a partner, it’s perfectly normal to want to ‘win’ the breakup and make them super jealous. But after trying a few things like dating around, going on vacation, and buying a whole new wardrobe to no avail, I finally decided to buy and train my own hunting falcon – and it totally worked! Here’s how:


Buying the falcon was tricky. After searching high and low at pet stores, Craigslist, and Facebook Marketplace, I finally found my falcon, Sweetie, being sold on the side of the road in rural Massachusetts. Also, it should be noted that you can legally only own a falcon after apprenticing with a licensed falconer for two years along with completing a written test, but I needed my ex to see me and my falcon on Instagram before they found a new girlfriend, so I didn’t do any of this.


I can just tell they are seething with jealousy right now, as anyone would be.



Once I realized I had a highly trained falcon that could do pretty much whatever I wanted it to do, I strapped a drone-like camera on her chest just to see what my ex was up to, what they were doing, who they were seeing, etc. And this is where this falcon training really paid off: My ex started texted me!


They messaged me things like: “Are you using a literal falcon to spy on me?” and “I think your falcon just took my dog to its nest”. I knew the falcon would get me noticed! Clearly they were blind with jealousy and needed to lash out.


Even though my ex still doesn’t want to get back together (sure, babe), it’s obvious that they’re super jealous of me having my having own hunting falcon, while they don’t even have any pets anymore!


If you think that owning and training a falcon after a breakup could be for you, then you should try it out yourself! You might not get back into a relationship with your ex, but now you have a big scary bird and a free way to get small meat! Goodbye grocery store, hello falconry!