Help! I Don’t Want Kids But I Still Want to Eat My Own Placenta

My whole adult life I’ve had the pressure of having children thrust upon me by friends, family, and the patriarchy at large. After years of consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that I definitely won’t ever be in a place to have kids of my own. However, it’s still very important to me that at some point, I get to eat my own yummy little placenta at some point.


Can someone please tell me how to do this without doing the first part?


Now, what exactly is a placenta you ask? I’m not sure. I never looked into it. To be honest I went to school for art and can’t even name all 50 states. But, it’s apparently a part of your body that you can and should eat and, as you could imagine, that grabbed my attention. I’m no Armie Hammer, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I want to try a lil’ chunk of all this. You know what I mean? You don’t? Hmmm. Okay.


I guess what I’m saying is that I heard it’s pretty nutritious and you don’t get a lot of chances in life to eat yourself.



Just because I don’t want to have a human child come out of my body just so they can grow up and call me a loser, doesn’t mean I don’t have every right to create a placenta and subsequently eat it. I just need help figuring out the game plan and a doctor who is chill and totally on board with this.


If someone could confirm that they have also had this intrusive thought constantly for many years, that would be really helpful. So yeah, ultimately I want to eat my own placenta and I just need some help figuring how I go about that without all the bullshit that goes along with it. Sound off in the comments!