Maybe you had a house fire and lost everything. Maybe you were burglarized and lost everything. Or maybe you had a divorce and lost everything. Whatever the case, all your shit is gone, and you need somewhere to sit. Here’s a few easy tips to take your furniture from outside to inside just for now, just till you figure out your next move:
Patio Dining Chair Cushions as Couches
Your patio set’s plastic woven cushions might be damp from rain and full of beetles, but that doesn’t mean they’re not the only sitting surface you have left. Because they are. There’s nothing left. Did you know people can just steal things and nothing bad happens to them? Pull the cushions off the chairs and toss them into your living room. Sit on them and contemplate where the hell you’ll go from here. It sure as shit won’t be your sister Kathy’s house. Don’t give her the satisfaction. You’ve done this alone before and you can do it alone again.
Pollen-Covered Glass Table as Dining Room Table
You ate barbecue on here maybe twice with your shitty-ass kids and their dumb-necked dad, then it sat collecting nature dust until the day he walked off with all your shit. You. Do. Not. Need. Anything. Awkwardly shuffle the table across your lawn and get it caught on the lip between your patio and the sliding glass door. Leave it there. Why not? Kids are gone. You’re in charge. Eat takeout off of it while you figure out how to steal cable from the Rourkes’ house next door.
Sun-Bleached Plastic End Table as Regular End Table
The fire took everything. Not that there was much to take. Your life is a joke but at least people will feel bad for you now. Grab the little drink table from the side yard that the previous owners left there years ago and put a little jar of flowers on it. There, that’s a nice start. Now treat yourself to a cigarette nap. Go on, be bad—you’ve earned it!
Lounge Chairs as Bed
You used to lie out on these chairs to sun yourself after a busy day of shopping. Now that the bank repossessed all of your belongings to compensate for your massive debts, these four wobbly metal chairs with rubber slats are looking like a great place to take a nap. Fold them up and carry them under your arm into the house those assholes keep threatening to take away from you. Your house is empty, but these chairs could be a bed.
There you go! Now, your outside furniture is inside. The good news is that there’s no way things could get any worse!
