Grandmother Insisting You Spend Birthday Money on Something Fun, Crazy, Debauched

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At your most recent birthday, your Grandma Kay pressed a Hallmark card into your hand filled with the same amount of dollars as you are old, and whispered, “Spend it on something fun, go absolutely crazy.”


Your Grandma was insistent that the money should not go toward basic living expenses or anything boring like that.


“Don’t spend it on rent or groceries. I want you to hit the town and live a little. You know, go nuts,” she said raising her eyebrows suggestively. “You only live once!”



Grandma went on to hint at some fun she had back in the day, though it’s unclear when that happened, as she married your grandfather at the age of 19, after a single semester at women’s college.


“We used to go this place and drink gimlets all night. Things got pretty wild back then.”


Still unsure of your grandma’s definition of wild, you pressed for details. She was vague but eventually revealed that “One time Marie stole an ashtray. It was a very nice ashtray.”


Grandma clarified that she doesn’t want you to steal, but she does want you to get up to “some things.”


“Don’t be a wet rag! Tie one on! Get out there and bust a gut!”