They say fashion is for everyone. But that wasn’t the case for Maggie Harlo: during a recent outing in a floppy, wide-brimmed hat, this poor young woman realized that, fuck, her head accessory was a big, big mistake.
“I thought Giancarlo would really dig my look, but he totally ignored me,” gasped Harlo.
Shit, that sucks.
“I don’t know, it’s a fine hat,” replied the barista when asked for comment. “Are you going to order anything?”
A day of underwhelming responses sealed the deal for Harlo – the hat is trash, and so is she for wearing it.
Harlo’s next stop was a food festival, the literal epicenter of hip people wearing and eating hip things. All those people looked at Harlo’s pathetic hat – taking a huge swing at trendiness, and a clear miss. Not a soul asked her where she got the hat.
After an hour of waiting patiently for her friend group’s conversation to come around to her hat, Harlo finally blurted, “It’s from this cute little shoppe in London that I stumbled upon with my mom one day – it’s vintage!”
Still jonesing for some sort of validation, Harlo took a stroll to a nearby corner usually occupied by catcallers. Emboldened by the warm weather, the catcallers began calling attention to just about everything about Harlo’s appearance – except for her embarrassing choice of headwear.
“Truth be told, I was focusing on the bosoms,” admitted Ricky Trask, one of the men. “Hats aren’t really my jam. They just cover women up.”
Harlo was last seen obsessively refreshing her Instagram feed, thirsty for likes. Asked how she felt after today’s fashion disaster, Harlo smiled brightly. “Ya know what?! Maybe hats aren’t for everyone. Or maybe they’re over now.”
“But I’ve got a line on a bolo tie for tomorrow that I hope will make quite a splash!”