5 Ways to Adapt Ethnic Dishes for a White Palate by Ruining Them

If you’re tired of quarantine cooking and want to spice up your routine, why not turn to the wide array of non-Western recipes available online? Don’t worry, many of the key ingredients can already be found in your kitchen, so you and your untrained white palate can ruin them perfectly. So, throw on that apron and follow these recipes to tastefully ruin them to your liking!


Plain Mayo Kimchi

Want to make your own kimchi but intimidated by the spicy kick? Just chop some cabbage and substitute half a jar of mayo for Korean chili flakes. Pop in the fridge for an hour and voilà! You could serve to the goddess Sandra Oh, herself (but we wouldn’t recommend it)!


“Dessert” Hummus

Love Middle Eastern food but can’t get your kids to try it? For a fun spin on falafel, crush up chickpeas with herbs and spices and … wait for it… dip a lil’ Twinkie in there. That’s right, after deep-frying the sucker, it’ll be nutritional business in the front and party in the back. Yummy and completely Halal (we think)!


Incredibly Boring Mole Sauce

Envious of your local Mexican joint’s mole sauce? Combine cinnamon, Hershey’s chocolate sauce, red pepper flakes, and a dollop of crunchy peanut butter (for texture). Heat until lukewarm, and serve over any dish to add a North-of-the-border total lack of kick. Your taste buds will scream, “This is fine!”


Noodles you Can Handle

Pad Thai is a favorite Asian noodle dish, but, like hummus, some ingredients may require a trip to someplace other than Whole Foods. So, pare this recipe to its essentials without losing any authenticity: spaghetti, eggs, hot sauce, (e.g., Sriracha), and a generous sprinkling of peanuts. If hot sauce is too scary, you may substitute rainbow cake sprinkles and rename the dish something like “Allison’s Funfetti Noodle Surprise.”


Orange Chicken

Got a craving for orange chicken but have no idea how to zest an orange? No worries! Just go to Panda Express where it was invented – this dish was literally made for you!


As you put your own spin on these “authentic” dishes, don’t forget to take photos and post to Instagram (#exoticcuisine #internationalbitch). Your followers will be saying, “Chrissy Teigen Who?” in no time!