Family Excited to Mess Up Your Pronouns Virtually This Year

Back home in the small town of Ames, Iowa, your family is excited to hop on the family Zoom this season and absolutely obliterate your pronouns again – but this time, it will be fully virtual.


“I haven’t seen my little Cassie in so long!” says your Grandma, who consistently asks, “Who is they?” whenever someone refers to you. “I just can’t wait to see my granddaughter on the Zoom. Technology is amazing!”


Mom and Dad are equally excited to accidentally slip in a “she” whenever they refer to you.


“I literally have no idea how people remember this pronoun stuff,” says your Dad, who is a retired linguistics professor. “I’m really excited to screw this up, this time from thousands of miles away.”



“Me too!” your mom chimed in. “Even in a situation where I don’t really need to refer to you in the third person, I’m definitely going to find a way to fuck this up somehow!”


While your brother, James, has no problem using your correct pronouns, he is positive he will find a way to fuck up something else this year.


“It’s my whole deal,” said James. “And even though I’m far away, I will definitely fuck something up really good.”