Eyeliner Smudge Reaches Gulf of Mexico

In a developing story out of Carmel, Indiana, the trailing eyeliner smudge that was trailing down the face of Vanessa Francisco after a long and difficult night out has now reached the Gulf of Mexico.


“I almost said something to Vanessa after I noticed a little makeup was running down her face, but I didn’t want to embarrass her,” said friend Amy Watson. “Then suddenly I look over and this thing is creeping all the way past the coast of Florida.”


“I really wish I would’ve had some kind of warning,” says Vanessa. “Because now environmentalists are scrambling to contain it, searching for makeup remover wipes that, frankly, I should’ve been stocking up on days ago.”


Experts say with a date planned later this evening, this smudge could spell disaster for Vanessa.



“We urge residents to stay inside on hot summer days like this,” says one Coast Guard representative. “With a combination of humidity and tears, suddenly your eyeliner or mascara could be running down your face and into those warm coastal waters, destroying everything in its path. Plus it just looks like shit, honestly.”


Despite conditions, Vanessa remains optimistic.


“While this situation still has the potential to build into something even more horrifying, I hope that when I get back into air conditioning, the threat to my face and our environment will slowly diminish.”