Discussion of Woman’s New Standing Desk Makes Everyone Less Productive

Employees of the law firm, Haverford and Haverford, have recently experienced a sharp decline in productivity due to the ongoing discussion of paralegal Linda Kremp’s standing desk.
Kremp has been very vocal about the benefits of the desk with passerby.


“When we first saw her head pop up over the cubicle, it was unnerving,” says colleague Carole Jennings. “I always felt like she was about to ask to borrow something. But then she continued to stay there for the whole day, which led to my panic attacks returning for the first time since college.”


Kremp first experimented with using company USPS boxes to prop up her monitor, mouse and keyboard long before upgrading to an actual standing desk. “It looked like a miniature slum town in her cubicle. It was really sad to look at,” says temp, Jay Kurlander.


Jay adds: “To be honest, I’m just glad she got rid of that workout ball she sat on. It always looked like she was about to eat it on that thing.”


Kremp almost immediately reported feeling much more energized and productive because of the desk.


“She wouldn’t shut up about it. No one could focus,” said fellow paralegal Cameron Jacobs. “We were sure she was just going to do this for a week for a stupid post she could write for her blog, ‘Linda’s World.’ This is the type of person we are dealing with here.”


Most were shocked when after a week, she continued to stand at her desk.



“Then she got a headset and started to pace while on the phone. I stopped answering emails and just started watching her pace all day,” said HR employee Randy Berkman. “It was mesmerizing.”


Karl Horner, 37, literally forgot what his day-to-day business was at the firm because of the ongoing discussion over the standing desk.


“People would hole up in this break room for hours at a time talking about the desk and how annoying Linda was,” Horner says. “My wife is thinking about leaving me. But there is Linda … still standing. Just standing at her desk.”


As of press time, Linda had no plans to go back to sitting, but big plans to start an all-liquid diet by spring.