Baby’s First Words Are, ‘I’m Not Here to Make Friends’

Parents of 18-month-old Cecily Jenkins were in awe this week after finding their baby squirming in crib, ready to speak. As her mother, Linda Jenkins came over to comfort her, Cecily spoke her first words: “I’m not here to make friends.”


“We don’t really know how she got this competitive mentality so early on,” says Linda. “We don’t watch reality TV, or even sports.”


Other members of Cecily’s family have noticed some unusual behavior from the infant.


“Cecily’s sister, Jordana, was drawing a picture with some markers on Wednesday evening,” says Linda. “Then Cecily crawled up and just knocked them onto Jordana’s lap, showing no remorse.”


“I ran into the girls’ room because I heard Jordana crying,” explained Linda. “I thought it was just a normal tiff between sisters, until Cecily looked at me, shrugged, and said, ‘If I can’t have them, no one can.’”


However, the most worrisome moment for the Jenkins came when Gregory, Cecily’s father, discovered their baby lounging by the pool on a deckchair.


“I don’t know how she got out there, I was scared out of my mind,” says Gregory. “I mean, she looked comfortable, now that I’m thinking about it. It may have been the first time since she’s been born that I’ve seen her look peaceful.”


When asked to comment, Cecily rolled her eyes and threw her pacifier in disgust.


Says Linda, “Wow, it looks like she’s mad at you. Or we need to change her diaper, because it’s clear she’s not playing any games.”