In a show of foolish optimism, 28-year-old Janet Schnell actually thinks she is going to accomplish the tasks she has set out to do during her first day off in a long time.
We’ll definitely see how that goes!
“It’ll be nice to finally get a few housekeeping things done,” said Schnell, adorably. “And maybe some errands. Nothing crazy, just a few minor tasks that have been on my list for a while.”
Sources say her chances of succeeding are near zero.
“Janet is great, but you can’t just make wild proclamations like that,” said longtime friend Natalie Huffman. “Last Saturday, the only thing I had to do was go to Target. Instead, I laid upside down on my couch for six hours until it got dark and I had to turn a light on.”
Schnell’s mother says she has always found her blind, baseless confidence inspiring.
“She just really puts her mind to things and believes she can achieve them,” she said.
When asked if she believed her daughter would meet her day off goals, Schnell’s mother was firm.
“Oh absolutely not,” she said. “Some dreams are too big.”
However, Schnell’s plans may be bigger than first imagined.
“I honestly don’t know what I’ll do with all that time!” said Schnell. “I might even read a book, go to the gym, or maybe text a couple friends to see who’s around to get brunch or something.”
“I don’t know what she’s thinking,” said roommate Martha Fletcher. “My last day off I woke up at like 11? All I did was make a bowl of mac and cheese and investigate the whereabouts of my crush from second grade.”
Still, Schnell, who works three jobs and has not had a single day off in nine days, maintains that she will have the energy to complete these tasks.
“I can’t wait to finally have a little free time!” said Schnell. “I’m excited to not set any alarms, but I’m hoping I’ll wake up early. My body’s probably just used to it by now.”
Keep us posted on that, Janet!